A Hope Doctor offers encouragement, positive expectations, and self-perception progress. He provides ways to banish anxiety, manage stress and find purpose. Contrary to merely popping a pill, the aforementioned skill development resembles long-term physical therapy that takes working through some painful treatments. The treatments lead to a steady improvement of personal well-being that makes life meaningful. Two categories of hope, high and low, are part of that journey.
There are two categories of hope, positive (high) and negative (low), but many different types. By exposing the different types within each category, the process of how to move away from the lows and transition to the highs comes into focus.
High Hopes Gone Bad
A high hope is an invigorating bike ride on a sunny day leading to a feeling of elation and life is good. The natural high, without warning, turns around in a hurry.
Low Hope
Pulling into the driveway, the emptied garbage container turned over along the road needs returned to the designated place of storage. The driveway being long, the encouraged bike rider had high hopes to successfully multitask.
Instead of riding up the long driveway, placing the bike in the garage, and returning to grab the garbage can to return to its storage area, an alternate plan came to mind. Hoping to save time, why not just stop, grab the can with one hand and ride it to its final destination? Easy for sure, but an inaccurate self-perception that turns into an unintended stunt! What the bike rider realizes too late is that this is a deceptively vain expectation. The hope of completing the task to save time does not justify the risk in this case.
Saving one minute is not worth losing control of the bike while holding a heavy and awkwardly balanced garbage can. Crashing into the porch rail, damaging it, and a puncture wound inflicted became vanity of vanities!
Crash-Into-Rail Cycling
The crash-into-rail bicycling debacle is not a serious accident, but definitely avoidable. The cost of time and money in this instance is minimal, but inaccurate self-perceptions like this have the potential to repeat in more serious areas of life. Steering clear of anxiety and stress requires wisdom and intentionality.
Preventive Remedies
Preventive remedies from the hope doctor are important. Just as important is the treatment of wounds after a setback like crashing into a railing. A untreated aftermath of lost hope after doing something stupid allows an infectious negative self-talk (see article on visionary thinking) to dominate with labels of idiot, moron, and doofus.
Just because something stupid happened, does not mean the person is a hopeless dummy. Anyone living life knows stuff happens. The key is immediately after the incident, rely on a treatment of focusing on a future high expectation. Take a deep breath and choose to grow from the experience.
Understanding hope is a challenge. The different types look a lot like synonymous terms, but upon closer observation are distinct. Taking the risk of erring on the side of too much detail is worth it to help bring about different viewpoints previously overlooked. The following list, extensive but not exhaustive, identifies eight low hopes.
Low Hopes
False hope
Confusing hope with a guarantee distorts perspective. When the guarantee works out as promised in that instance everything is fine, but based on a false premise. Future decisions made with this mindset rarely succeed and fail most of the time.
When failure does occur, the person relying on the false thinking usually experiences devastating defeat. The classic bad examples of this are numerous TV programs and movies. The hero promises to save the child, win the day, beat the bad guy, but this isn’t reality and is at best disappointing and sometimes dangerous in real life. Psychologists make a great living from the people whose parents consistently promised them false hopes as a child.
Empty hope
In other words, attempting to create something out of nothing. False expectations have some chance of happening, but empty hope doesn’t. Trying to stir up something that isn’t there misleads and deludes.
Dried up hope
What once existed and flourished, slowly and painfully disappeared. The tough part about this is that person has a great challenge generating hope in the future. Since this worsening process was long and hard, some degree of depression is possible. Another name for this is hopelessness.
Hope deferred
A delay in the desired outcome enough to make the heart sick. The way out of this according to the Proverb (13:12 NLT) this original thought comes from, is “but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Deferred hope is okay as long as the dream is possible and progress occurs over time through perseverance.
Lost hope
Due to a change of events or negligence, what once was hopeful is not. Can a revival of this loss occur? Some of the best stories in life come from newly found hope. A different perspective, change of heart, a friend’s encouragement, and new surroundings revive lost hopes. Lost hope includes hopelessness at times.
Vain hope
Pride goes before a fall. Being so confident about something, especially in a group is a sure recipe to get other people working to make sure that thing doesn’t happen. Even if it does, not having others to celebrate with because it was all about the individual, diminishes the experience.
Regarding an individual’s vanity, the expectation to ride a bike with one hand on the handle bars and the other holding a bulky and unmanageable garbage bin is vain hope.?
Uprooted hope
When something or someone expected to be unshakeable fails, a painful awakening occurs. Uprooting is sudden and destructive. In contrast to the dried up and false versions of low hope, this is a total surprise.
Regarding any person or any thing as unshakeable is an accident waiting to happen. Many times people lose faith in the goodness of others, the church, an employer, leadership, etc. due to the failure of that entity to meet unrealistic expectations.
The reaction usually results in cynicism and generalization that everything in the failed category is anathema. Out of the listed types, uprooted hope leaves deep wounds that many never recover from. At its core uprooted hope becomes hopelessness with an overdose of bitterness.
Wrong hope
A desire for something that is not only unlikely to happen, but even if by some chance did occur, is harmful. A great example is people who really can’t afford to spend $10 to $30 per week hoping to win the lottery.
Studies show how 70% of lottery jackpot winners end up broke and a third go on to declare bankruptcy. Overdoses of anxiety and stress abound for these so called lucky winners. In addition, many family and friend relationships collapse over misguided self-perceptions of status and handling of the money.
Summary
Hopefully, the aforementioned types expose new perspectives to better understand and overcome the “low hopes.” Breaking down things into smaller pieces is the Hope Doctor’s prescription. Having an awareness of the distortions the mind conjures up is valuable.
Overcoming the types of low hopes leads to encouragement, a shift to positive expectations, and an improved self-perspective. Avoiding low hopes is advantageous, but without positive things to transition to to fill the mind, it is much easier for the negative to slip back in. Don’t let the low hopes reign!
Starting out with a story contrasting the two categories, this article identified eight “low hopes” that needed attention. The follow-up is to look at the double dose of 16 “high hopes.” Digging this deep into the topic initiates a change in thinking to the extent that there is a need for an article for each of the two categories of low and high hopes.
Be sure to read Part 2 (High Hopes Treatment) of the Hope Doctor Prescription: Two Highs For Every Low which is soon to come.
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Best choices require discipline in life and a future outlook. The choice of dental implants represents enduring short-term pain for long-term gain and gives perspective for a proper attitude in other areas of life as well.
Best choices require discipline and sound judgment. The best recommendation for a bad tooth is a dental implant, but it involves pain. The best choices require a long-term outlook and involve a lot of steps along the way. If only the Tooth Fairy could ease the figurative and literal cost and process of an implant. The story of a tooth implant has similarities to a lot of things in life.
Having a bad tooth requires going to the dentist that for most does not bring about pleasant memories. However, only a few see the bigger picture in regards to oral health. At an early age, seeing the dentist as a person that solves minor problems in order to prevent major ones certainly fits into one of the best choices categories.
Fear of Tooth Pain
Fear of pain
Ignoring the tooth when it only hurts a little is commendable, but the old saying goes, “A stitch in time saves nine.” Overcoming the fear, wherever that in most cases unjustifiably came from, and taking the time to work on the tooth before things get worse is foresight. Investing a little time and enduring the pain for long-term gain are the best choices. As the tooth gets worse, so does the fear that leads to more time, pain, and cost.
A clear example of a totally different perspective was on a dental mission trip to a remote town in the country of Columbia. A team of five dentists lined up wooden chairs in an empty room of a school with concrete floors and no windows. A line of kids that disappeared down the street from the doorway formed. Once the dentists were ready, five kids ran to the chairs and leaned back smiling with open mouths.
Large numbers of pulled teeth hit the concrete floor. With no patient expectations of monetary reward, this tooth fairy sweeping up and discarding the little teeth offered none. The dental work done, the children jumped up from the chair all excited and left the room full of joy. As soon as that chair emptied, another excited child with the right attitude about dentists ran to sit in the chair and automatically opened wide! Best choices get easier the more desperate those in need are.
Pain Relief
How is it that many people in the United States dread going to the dentist while in Columbia, the kids love those that fix teeth? Because the best choices are tough! The Columbian children, as in most impoverished countries have no choice. Teeth are rotting and painful by the time occasional teams of professionals arrive. The dentist represents pain relief instead of someone that imposes pain. Perception is reality!
Dentist is a friend, not foe – best choices
In today’s microwave society, people expect the best choices to be quick and easy. The younger generations assume nothing less. Three years is a lot of time at a job for young workers compared to generations past that stayed at the same company until retirement. Nothing is wrong with either, but getting back to best choices involves a time factor.
Having made the decision to undergo an implant is comparable to many decisions in life. The convenience of immediate gratification is a short cut, but usually not good in regards to the big picture of life. Long-term thinking requires wrestling with some not-so-convenient factors that require time.
Having a firm bone foundation or jawbone for the Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery starts the process. Didn’t know what that was until a best friend became a DDS or Doctor of Dental Surgery. Is being a strong bonehead good in this case?
Best Choices – Long-Term Gain
Most people have the bone foundation needed to have an implant. What lacks is a desire to make the best choices that secure a long-term gain. Lack of time, the extra money required, and finding a competent DDS are all problems requiring resolution and some periods of waiting.
Using the dental procedure as a metaphor, “implant” any number of other life situations into the story – picking the right major, getting good grades, finding the best job, choice of a partner, raising children and more. Having a bad tooth is a part of life. Whether a knocked out tooth (hockey players are really familiar with implants!), rotted or cracked and pulled out, a decision is imminent. Just go without or take the next step of replacement?
Likewise, suffering and hardships occur in areas of life for everyone. Yes, even the “has it all together” person or family on Facebook! The discomfort is to grow through these challenges and become a better person in the process. Maybe even take some risks to shoot for the best choices possible.
Best Choices Progress – Good, Better, Best
A saying by an unknown source, “Good, better, and best. Never let it rest, ’til your good is better and your better is best” applies to the decision-making process. A willingness to settle for good enough is the first level assuming poverty is not an issue. Once the gum heals where the tooth was removed, that’s it.
No more pain, didn’t have to spend any money or time looking for a surgeon and going through the hassles of getting the replacement. Done and it’s good. Short-term solution, but a long-term hassle? For sure! An entire array of potential and real problems become evident.
First, depending on where the tooth is, chewing is a hassle in varying degrees. Sure chewing on the other side of the mouth works, but now extra strain is on those teeth that can lead to other tooth problems. Appearance is a consideration because this is the first step toward a toothless smile. Missing one tooth for months is memorable in a bad way, so others that face the removal of multiple molars definitely takes a bite out of the joy of future eating!
No Gain in the Comfort Zone
Likewise, graduating high school is good. Plenty of employers to work for, but without further higher education, only limited options are available. The term higher education referred to here is not limited to college, but includes trade school, sales training, or even online course work. The point being, to get better requires discipline or some figurative pain. Improvement doesn’t come in the comfort zone.
The next level for this tooth story, better, is a crown and / or bridge. The replaced tooth done by a competent DDS makes the appearance and function much better than no tooth at all. The entire procedure only takes 2-3 visits to the dentist. More time and significant expense compared to no tooth, but so much better regarding quality of life for anywhere from 10-15 years.
Choosing Better
Higher education with purpose – best choices
Likewise, in other areas of life, plenty of better options arise to improve circumstances. Completing some form of higher education earlier referred to is not only better in the form of opening more job opportunities and higher income, but includes maturing as a person. Developing a trade provides a comfortable income, status, and connecting with other like minded workers. The problem is, good enough and better are the enemies of getting the best.
The best tooth story is the implant, but it is the most expensive, time consuming, and requires the most competent surgeon because things can go wrong. The tooth extraction was a challenge and involved pain. Waiting six months for the area to heal and being able to only chew lightly on that side was a hassle, but it gets worse. After the six months, the inserted titanium implant needs another three months to bond to the bone. No chewing allowed on that side.
Then comes the bill. Costs vary, and it really helps to have a DDS as a best friend, but any one or combination of the aforementioned things prevent many people from choosing the implant. Much more expensive than the bridge and crown, but is it worth it? Time will tell, but this patient believes the implant is the next best thing to having the original tooth. The experts predict implants last a lifetime.
Lifetime Reward
Relatively speaking, lots of short-term (about a year long process) challenges going on here, but the lifetime hassle free reward is awesome! Whether the story is about an implant or many other circumstances life brings about, the components are basically the same:
Life presents a problem
The issue, if minor, requires less time, effort, and cost when corrected sooner
Resolving a major issue has varying degrees of time, talent, and cost to decide on
An immediate solution with little time, talent, and cost is a temporary fix
A lifetime solution has a much higher commitment of time, talent, and investment
Conclusion
Pleasure always associates with pain. Take the immediate gratification or pleasure and a long-term consequence of regret and suffering follow. Choosing to party rather than studying leads to poor grades and ultimately dropping out. Failing to give an employer an honest day’s work results in being the first one laid off. Having an affair ruins a family.
Choosing pain (discipline, inconvenience, concerted effort, significant investment) up front results in long-term pleasure (reward, goal completion, monetary gain). Extensive research to pick the right school and career path leads to completing the degree on time. Trying multiple organizations and companies, some paid and others volunteering, brings clarity and leads to the dream job! Guarding the heart, mind, and body and abstaining to apply the only 100% effective method for unwanted pregnancy and STD prevention minimizes sexuality and relationship baggage.
The best choices are really simple, but definitely not easy. The bad news is, the battling for the best in life only ends when in the grave. The great news is, the thrill and joy of making the tough choices results in a meaningful and fulfilling life. A much better deal than what the Tooth Fairy offers.
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Purpose is an inner fire. Fan it with wisdom, strength, love, sound judgment, and self-discipline and that flame burns for a lifetime.
Fanning the inner fire of enlightened purpose into a flame that carries meaning and fulfillment is a wilderness adventure that requires discipline. Stirring up known and especially unknown gifts and talents is difficult. Five “fans” that fire those abilities involve wisdom, strength, love, sound judgment, and self-discipline. Master the fans, and that flame burns for a lifetime.
The fire of enlightened purpose has great value, but needs fanned and maintained. A different fire, but similar in many ways, is in the wilderness for overnight hikers. Stirring up outdoor combustion takes much more effort than the home fireplace. Wilderness campfires are just not convenient and neither is a focused purpose of the heart.
Inner Purpose
Backpacking is literally and figuratively a mixed bag of preparing for the worst while expecting the best. The beauty and fury of nature bring calm and suffering creating moments that are memorable for a lifetime. Each trip, whether it is in the adventure of a personal purpose search or backpacking is unique accompanied by any number of challenges.
A particularly memorable day on one trip involved great scenic trails and pleasant weather until dusk. Normally, by the time dusk arrives, the tent is set up, the campfire is crackling, and it’s time to eat dinner. However, this day extended to 20 plus miles in order to complete the overall trip in the allotted time.
Temperatures drop quickly in the mountains when the evening comes. Most of the day was beauty and the calm of the wilderness. Cold, hungry, and tired at dusk was the fury and suffering part of the adventure. Setting up camp and collecting firewood in the dark adds to the agony. But imagine a wonderful surprise finally arriving at the designated area.
Warmed By Fire We Did Not Build
Amazingly, a couple (of angels!) arrived earlier at the site, set up, and had a well stoked fire blazing with ample amounts of firewood already collected! Tent setup was quick and food to the tummy expedited turning what could have been a story of travail into a pleasant memory of provision of an undeserved blessing.
A really relevant quote states, “We all have been warmed by fires we did not build and drunk from wells we did not dig (anonymous).”
Morning wakeup involves a brisk chill. “Banking” or arranging the wood from the fire in a way that causes it to burn slower and leave some hot embers in the morning is wise. Fanning the hot coals is all it takes to start another good fire making breakfast a lot more enjoyable with warmth to start the day off right.
Stirring up personal gifts and talents is a lot like the aforementioned backpacking day. The journey of fulfilling a calling or vocation and finding inner purpose and meaning has a diverse combination of experiences. The burden of carrying the weight of a calling resembles the backpack.
Novice backpackers need an experienced wilderness person to do a “pack explosion.” Beginners carry way too many unnecessary items needing elimination. Removal of 5, 10, or even 20 pounds of excess occurs. Eliminating the extra weight is the difference between an enjoyable trip versus a miserable or even injurious one.
Purpose Unpacks The Excess
Personal gifts and talents likewise mix together with unnecessary things in life. Carrying these things can drain the energy out of a person. The backpacking of life gets bogged down. Getting the help of knowledgeable people in that journey or vocation brings clarity. That wisdom unpacks the excess to bring success.
The suffering is great at times, but persevering the extra mile, an unknown campfire waits to rejuvenate. Additional benefit comes from gaining experience and a realization that suffering is part of the journey that needs leaned into instead of avoided.
Getting burned or failing just leaves hot coals ready for stirring to start fires of purpose again and again. Using and developing gifts and talents require energy. The energy has an outcome of generating income, achievement, and fulfillment serving a higher purpose.
The norm is that life is not about total comfort, but includes suffering. The pack explosion means having to do without some things. The adventure is a cycle of fires. Sometimes the flame is hot and thriving, other times it dies down needing fanned to start up again. Don’t give up just because the fire is a bunch of embers. Gifts and talents are not always burning brightly.
Five Fans
Following are five “fans” that fire those abilities into flames when consistently applied:
Wisdom – a tree of life, well-being, easily found when longed for, telling the difference between right and almost right (Charles Spurgeon), “To gain knowledge, add things every day. To gain wisdom, subtract things every day (Lao Tzu).” “A wise person is hungry for knowledge …(Prov. 15:14 NLT).” “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook (William James).”
Strength – emotional toughness, gained from sources of support, an asset or quality, a resistance to giving in, effectiveness, persuasive power, gift, intensity, grit. Regular times of recovery are necessary to maintain strength and keep moving forward.
Love – never fails, casts out fear, is patient, kind, commits, brings peace of mind. Keeps the “fire of purpose” contained in the right mindset.
Sound judgment – “sound” means free from error leading to trustworthy judgment. Stable, consistent, reliable. Wise counsel contributes to sound judgment and clarity of inner purpose. Weighing evidence and coming up with the right answer to achieve desired outcomes.
Self-discipline – restraining oneself especially in difficult situations. Turning immediate gratification and reactionary thinking into controlled responses. The ability to subdue impulses, emotions, and behaviors in order to achieve longer-term goals (Psychology Today).
An inner fire of purpose exists in every person. Whether this flame burns brightly or barely exists depends on the individual. The backpacking adventure of purpose includes hardship and has no guarantees of success. Rainy and cold days, scrapes, injury, and discomfort are part of a backpacking trip as well as everyday life.
Take Risks
All of these difficulties deter those failing to consistently fan the fire of purpose with wisdom, strength, love, sound judgment, and self-control. The irony is that those taking the easy path still suffer. Failure to take risks does avoid some short-term pain, but the long-term regret of never knowing if the greatest experiences of life were just over the horizon brings sadness.
Keep the backpack light, fan the inner fire of purpose as needed, and expect nothing less than the fulfilling adventure of a lifetime.
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3 Triathlon Lessons Learned Training Half Trying Full: 1) The Ohio River tastes worse than triathlon lakes Michigan, Erie, & Minneola. 2) Amazing stories emerge from all body types crossing the finish line with heart and a compelling “why.” 3) Try something that seems foolish. Miracles happen with God’s help, prayers and support of family and friends.
Sometimes things all fall into place and it seems too good to be true! That happened planning to participate in one of the many triathlons held across the country and around the world. The Wilmington NC Half Ironman (70.3 total miles) was the right time of the year in October, the required training fit this year’s schedule, and it was close enough to drive to.
An additional benefit was a cousins’ get together and vacation the following week at the Outer Banks only two hours from Wilmington. Perfect scheduling! The best laid plans… Hurricane Florence canceled the race by hitting Wilmington in September with such intensity recovery took months instead of weeks.
Domino Effect
The cancellation caused a domino effect that toppled a number of events planned around doing the Ironman 70.3 in Wilmington. Training for a half or full marathon requires a regimen that begins at least five months ahead of time depending on how conditioned the body is when beginning the process. Building endurance and strength on a daily basis is very time consuming. The idea of having to prolong the training is not a welcomed prospect.
The cousin vacation involved some worked out logistics resulting in a commitment to drive three people back from the Outer Banks. Cancelling ruins a long planned event for not only me, but the others as well. The moniker of “vacation ruiner” for the relatives for years to come – not happening! The issue, explained later, is this added over 800 miles to the trip.
Two concerns to work out at this point. Opt for another triathlon sometime in the month of October to align in close proximity with the current training schedule and not have the race disrupt the vacation. Relevant details include there are no refunds for Ironman events with only the option of choosing another one within a year. Once that event is chosen, participation is mandatory or the entrance fee, which is substantial, is lost.
Low and behold, there is another scheduled race the same weekend in Louisville, KY. The Outer Banks is 800 miles away so getting there a few days later is a given, but at least the return trip commitment for the cousins is intact. A no-brainer, the drop down menu is convenient and the “click” on opting for the Louisville Ironman is done!
Accident Waiting To Happen
Thinking through the possibilities, it ends up a number of friends and other relatives are along the way for visits. Lemonade out of lemons! The best laid plans however… failed to realize the Ironman clicked on is a full (140.6) and not half triathlon. Completing both half and full triathlons in previous years, the intensity and demands on the body are quite different. Is this even worth trying? Is this an accident waiting to happen?
Failing to do a triathlon also threatens a commitment to help raise support through the race for a missionary going to Uganda for a year to fight human trafficking. The initial response is a whine knowing that does nothing to help the situation. After calming down it is time to be tactful and develop a new plan. Impossible, foolish, crazy are words that come to mind trying to make this work, but making the decision to at least try the Louisville Ironman 140.6 was the most feasible.
Mind made up, the Louisville Ironman is twice the distance total trained for, but pretty confident 70.3 miles is doable. Completing 70.3 fulfills the commitment to the missionary fund raiser and the training is not in vain. The drive is a lot more to get to the beach, but a lot of friends and relatives to see so still happy. All of this settled a couple weeks ahead of time, but another huge challenge awaited.
Weather The Storm
In years past, the Louisville Ironman was in August and deemed way too hot. October was moderate and usually a great temperature for triathlons. Adifficult try doing a full triathlon while training for a half got worse when the weather was 45-50 degrees wind and rain for most of the day. People have preferences for temperature and conditions. Temperature is compensated for with the appropriate gear, but it’s hard to find someone say rain and winds are no problem.
Spending 16 hours in these conditions added to impossibility thinking. The strange weather in October for Louisville left most people lacking the appropriate gear and clothing resulting in a high number of DNS (Did Not Start) and DNF (Did Not Finish) racers. Knowing once excessive shivering occurred anywhere on the 112 mile bike ride, a DNF was inevitable.
The mind games that happen in all of this kicks the imagination into full gear! The innate default mode of the mind and body is preservation and comfort. Everyone has a threshold of pain. The challenge is a belief that overcoming the fear, pain, and hardship has any redeeming value. Author Erwin McManus says, “Your greatness is on the other side of your fear and pain.”
Adversity Builds And Reveals Character
The most advances in mental toughness, pain tolerance, and leaning into fear come through adversity. No one really looks forward to it, but adversity comes into everyone’s life, why not be proactive about it? The psychological term for this is Post-Ecstatic Growth. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is reactive while a third category, Post Traumatic Growth is more responsive (click to be linked to another article I’ve written on these conditions).
On Saturday feeling the cold and knowing the forecast for Sunday does not make for a restful night’s sleep. The result is tired, nervous, cold, and wet on race day. So when does the fun start? Keeping the end in mind is the key. A very slim hope to get to the greatness on the other side of the fear and inevitable pain was there so why not at least try?
Everyone has a “thing” that is crazy, outlandish, and stupid to other people, but brings meaning, excitement, and fun to them. Some spend thousands on antique cars, tractors, and furniture. Others like trinkets or spending hours, days, and weeks of time on costume events, hobbies, or dancing. Even knew a guy that was a vacuum cleaner aficionado!
The challenges on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual scale vary, but the overall desired outcome for many is to become a better human being. Does doing this activity bring meaning, fulfillment, and a sense of making the world a better place? The closer it gets to that end, the more incentive there is to tolerate the hardships involved.
Exceeding Expectations
The result in this case exceeded expectations. All the plans worked out, great visits along the way occurred, Jaida the missionary to Uganda gets support, and the soreness for a few days was worth it. Even if a DNF occurs, the benefits of stretching way out of the comfort zone leading up to the event are worth it.
The caveat is for those reading this and telling themselves, “I could never do that.” Surely the Ironman is not for everyone, but thinking metaphorically, what is that impossible thing that many avoid? Fear of failure and pain are huge obstacles, but life is a challenge. Most people at one time or another have great failure and pain in life. The tolerance in these times is similar to a muscle. The more strain and pain (up to a point) that muscle went through, the tougher and stronger it is to face the next challenge.
The emotional, mental, and spiritual areas work that way too. A healthy perspective takes time to develop. Why not try new things, test the limits, become the person that rises to one’s full potential. You can do this!
Overcoming all of these challenges also involved a lot of personal prayer and the prayers, support, and encouragement of others. A text, a kind word, or a motivational charge all helped in keeping a positive attitude. Never underestimate reaching out to others under duress knowing it may be that “little” encouragement that provides the strength to go on.
All that to say, it is truly humbling to have friends and family that do offer support. Add to that, planning and accomplishing something bizarre like this never happens unless these particular circumstances arise with limited options. Achieving the goal, cherishing the experience is important to process all that happened. Great personal journal material, but after a season planning for the next adventure to add to the bucket list begins.
Summing It Up
There were three things I learned doing the Louisville Ironman ???:
1) The Ohio River tastes a lot worse than lakes Michigan, Erie, and Minneola, the other Tri’s I’ve done.?
2) It never ceases to amaze me the stories that emerge from all body types that seemingly have no business completing a full triathlon. Full of heart with a compelling “why” (wt. loss, overcoming cancer, honoring a loved one, quitting smoking, supporting Jaida Hobbes for her 1 year mission to Uganda fighting human trafficking), they somehow cross the finish line.
3) Try something that seems impossible to you. With God’s help and the prayers and support of your friends and family, you just might experience a miracle.
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Tom Hanks character as Josh in the movie Big eventually realizes consulting Zoltar is a bad idea. College student parents have a dream and find things don’t turn out as anticipated. Avoiding serious pitfalls is very doable especially when making sure there are no Zoltar wishes in the pursuit of higher education.
A disgruntled 12-year-old Josh Baskin wants to be Big. Wandering the grounds of a carnival, the all-knowing animatronic (whatever that means!) fortune-telling Zoltar machine stands alone in the distance. Separated from all the other gaming machines Josh inserts a coin and makes a wish. The machine didn’t work at first, but then lights up and Zoltar does his thing. The funny thing is, Josh discovers Zoltar is not plugged in!
The 1988 movie was and still is popular because of a number of things. Everyone has fantasies and the lead-in of the movie uses that followed by a funny and entertaining film about Josh, but with a twist. Josh, still the same 12-year-old emotionally, wakes up the next morning in a 30-year-old body.
College student parents have a dream and find things don’t quite turn out as well as anticipated. The unexpected pops up along the way initiating the realization that a little more thinking beforehand is wise. A certain degree of the roller coaster ride of idealism and anxiety surrounding the pursuit of higher education is a given. Serious consequences for decades afterwards is not.
The dread occurs when the wheels jump the track or the coaster falls apart involving a lot of stress and anxiety. Failed courses, a change of majors, a change of schools, all contribute to an accumulation of debt that lasts for decades. Relationship and sexuality issues are not easily forgotten. Avoiding these problems is possible especially when making sure there are no Zoltar wishes in the mix. Time to expose Zoltar and look behind the curtain of deception.
6 Reasons College Student Parents Consulting Zoltar Is A Bad Idea
Zoltar hangs out in the wrong places
Zoltar hangs out (in one spot) in fun places all the time because that’s where people spend money for that kind of advice (entertainment). The fortune-teller is very serious, but not taken seriously. Oh that the Internet was that simple because a lot of the advice given there is as reliable as Zoltar’s.
The Internet is a marvelous tool to conduct research, but is so much more deceptive than Zoltar. People hang out there because it costs nothing and gives access to the largest selection in the world of useless, deceptive, and bogus information. Surely gold nuggets exist in the right places. The wrong places are in abundance and without a solid knowledge of what to look for it is easy to take the low hanging fruit of bad info. How much of the research is from reliable and credible sources?
Zoltar is unreliable
Most college student parents are aware of the shortcomings of statistics and the Internet. However, few students and their parents have little experience identifying reliable and valid experimentation and finding the facts. Others are short on time and do quick searches thinking some information is better than none as long as the source looks credible.
Reliable means shooting at a target and hitting the same place consistently. Zoltar’s answers are all random and filled with generalizations. Reliable information includes references that point to a conclusion. Newspaper and magazine writers all have deadlines. Deadlines make it hard to do much, let alone extensive research.
Rarely are references for information cited in newspapers or magazine articles and the reason is usually time. A major part of the writers’ job relies on getting articles out quick, but that leads to some never letting facts get in the way of a good story.
Zoltar’s information is never valid
The next big problem after reliability is inconsistent methods of finding the right information. Validity is hitting the target in the bull’s eye consistently. Zoltar never does anything consistent except ask for more money. Finding reliable information is a challenge, but doable on the Internet, but is it the right or valid info for college student parents and young adults?
Doing a search on Google, finding a pretty website with info that sounds good and even has references seems like the work is done. Students peeling back a few layers from the surface of first impressions is necessary to make a valid and reliable decision. In the short-term this means extra work, but the long-term benefits are worth it for college student parents!
An article that has references does not make it reliable. An article citing another unreliable or secondary source weakens its authority. A prime example is what is referred to as the Law of Attraction. References to the “Law” are vast and numerous.
The concept makes sense and research labels this as face validity, but this is not a law. Valid and reliable research fails to exist regarding the Law of attraction. A “law” means anyone, anywhere gets the same response if predetermined conditions are met. The Law of Gravity works every time, the Law of Attraction doesn’t.
The Law of Attraction results in success for a lot of people, but not everyone. Many cancer victims have thought positive thoughts and still died. Questions have to arise when the title of a concept includes an inappropriate term. The principle of attraction, attraction thinking, or attraction action are all authentic names for the concept. Get rid of the hype, but that’s the nature of the Internet.
Use wisdom and discernment even if a bunch of references exist. The top-of-the-line information is from peer-reviewed journals. These are articles and experiments approved by a team of scholarly peers. References to scholarly journals, dissertations, and reputable authors are next in line to get the best research.
Zoltar is all show and doesn’t walk the talk
Everyone has misperceptions and sometimes only see the superficial things. Praise about how pretty a campus is and how nice the people are stand out. Nice things, but a minimal expectation. The peeling back comes in the form of questions like this:
What is the freshman dropout rate?
How good are the internship placements for respective majors?
Class teacher to student ratio?
What is the average debt for students upon graduation?
What type of financial assistance exists and is help available to apply for it?
Scenic campuses are in abundance. Ones with the best student retention, graduation rates, teacher ratios, minimum debt upon graduating, and employment related to the degree are the ones harder to find. Beware of the schools that don’t publish a lot of this information. A very good reason needs to exist for hiding those statistics. Zoltar has no integrity or character, make sure the school chosen is reputable for the important things.
Zoltar has no proven credentials
Although many pose as experts, what do they actually know about college and career choices? An “expert’s” role is to add new information, but more so to bring clarity to things the parent and the student already know. The information and advice given by the expert doesn’t control or dominate a person’s thinking. Any expert with integrity admits the limitations of their expertise and allows time for careful consideration of the things discussed with college student parents.
Zoltar gives advice for everything that is good for nothing
Choose the right help and information, but remember having an awareness of purpose in life comes first. Pursue what is meaningful and realize it is not a microwave process. Draw from outside sources for personal purpose and meaning to assist in the pursuit of higher education, but realize it is merely the beginning of a life long journey.
College is a means to compliment and supplement a person’s purpose. Learning to think, making new friendships, and growing as a person are all part of higher education at the right school at the right time. All the best research and experts cannot guarantee success and a great college experience, job, and life (see 2014 Purdue-Gallup study). However, a deep desire to fulfill a calling with undaunted perseverance and the assistance of competent help radically increases the probability.
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Doing a search on Google, finding a pretty website with info that sounds good and even has references seems like the work is done. Students peeling back a few layers from the surface of first impressions is necessary to make a valid and reliable decision. In the short-term this means extra work, but the long-term benefits are worth it for college student parents!
