Popeye the Sailor Man was a popular 1950s cartoon series. Noted for big forearms and a corn cob pipe in mouth, Popeye had strength but really became strong after eating a can of spinach. The bully in the cartoon was Brutus who in every cartoon eventually provoked a fight preceded by Popeye declaring, “I’ve stood all I can stand, and I can’t stands no more!”
When have you stood all you can stand, and can’t stands no more? Unfortunately, this is a common way for people to make changes that should have happened long ago.
How change happens.
#1 Not by choice – tragedy
Anyone living has had a tragedy that was not expected. Health problems, death in the family, car accident, or a job loss are common surprises. The challenge in this case is the tragedy and the choice is how a person responds to it.
A friend’s wife battled for years with cancer and lost. Within a year, the husband found a wonderful lady and considered marrying again, but was ambivalent about it. Going to the deceased wife’s best friend for advice on how this would be perceived, new information was discovered. In one of their last discussions, the dying wife related to the best friend that she felt the husband would not do well alone and should remarry.
The recommendation of the dying wife helped the mourning husband move on with life, but a choice still had to be made. The choice was to build a future. A place for the deceased wife will always remain in the husband’s heart, but dwelling on the past was not happening.
Change is inevitable, growth is optional.
#2 Desperation choice – Crystallization of Discontent
People tolerate way too much before bringing about change.
Popeye’s statement of not being able to stand anymore is crystallization of discontent. Unfortunately, many wait until total frustration sets in to make decisions that should have been made years ago.
Another friend was weary of a 20-something son still living at home, not paying room or board, and having substance abuse problems. The discussion at the time was that if nothing was changed, in five years things would still be the same and sure enough that was the case except with even more frustration present.
Regarding delinquent teens, many parents wait until being held hostage in their own homes – pad locks on doors, damaged property, verbal abuse, fines, etc. – until taking action to put their son in the system.
Change is difficult, but the longer the decision is put off, the harder it becomes.
How change happens.
#3 Proactive choice – continual state of growth
Challenges are identified apart from a crisis. A chance to choose the best way to bring about change allows for more options.
By far, this is the hardest change because it doesn’t have to happen.
People know not to smoke, be over weight, get out of shape, or stay in a dead end job.
The problem is staying the same, despite multiple frustrations or aspiring and lofty goals, is still the most comfortable thing to do. A comparison can be made to the Doldrums, a phenomenon at the equator that any experienced sailor (including Popeye) would know about.
The Doldrums are totally windless conditions and calm seas that are a nightmare for the crews of sailboats without any motor. Everything is calm, but not necessarily comfortable with 100 degree temperatures at times. Calm, uncomfortable, and going nowhere.
The challenge of making proactive choices is convincing the emotions to line up with the reasoning aspect of the mind.
Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis uses the metaphor of an elephant (the emotions) and a rider (logic / reason). The rider can steer the elephant, but when things are stressed, guess which one wins? There is a lot of momentum with the weight of the elephant and it doesn’t turn on a dime.
Any rapid or overwhelming challenges don’t work causing a reaction instead of a reasonable choice. Using the proper planning and incentives, the elephant can conform and positive change happens.
Summary
No choice – we don’t see tragedy coming
Desperation choice – Crystallization of Discontent
Proactive choice – how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, one step of change at a time
Change is inevitable, growth is optional.
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Authentic motivational stories, quotes, and speeches bring clarity to perception, but when sensationalized lead to deception. Upright authenticity requires discipline and a commitment to integrity. Downright sensationalism is alive and well in the world and a great promoter of duplicity. Say what you mean and mean what you say are words to live by each day.
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Make a comparison of two quotes: 1) “Talent can beat hard work when hard work doesn’t have talent,” and 2) “Hard work can beat talent when talent doesn’t work hard”. Both statements offer a principle to live by, but only one is popular (answer: see paragraph #4). Are both authentic? The words of one of these statements were rearranged to alter the focus, but something else is controversial.
Famous athletes like Kevin Durant and Tim Tebow have repeated the popular saying bringing it notoriety, but the guy responsible for the original quote is known only by name. Google and Wikipedia offer no background and some say the mystery guy is nonexistent. So where does Tim Notke, the supposed author, fit in? If Tim Notke doesn’t exist, is the quote authentic?
A valid source gives credibility to a quote making it more impactful, but isn’t mandatory.
Using the context of quotes identifies authenticity. The Tim Notke (maybe) quote (#2) is a great example of trying to decipher was it the quote itself that makes it popular or the celebrities that quote it?
Just because a famous person quotes something doesn’t make it true, relevant, or authentic for everyone in every instance. Does the quote even apply to Tim Tebow and Kevin Durant because both worked hard, but both are obviously very talented? In addition, no one disputes Tim’s hard work or success, but it did not result in a successful professional football career. Authenticity acknowledges limitations.
Hard work can beat talent, but people hyping the quote to being able to do anything as a mind over matter thing are in for some big disappointments. Hard work is commendable, but many people have worked really hard to realize without a certain level of talent, success is elusive.
Michael Jordan was one of the greatest basketball players of all time, but didn’t make it past the minors in baseball. Muhammad Ali was great at boxing and never publicly attempted any other sports.
When hard work beats talent with authenticity, a deep sense of satisfaction is experienced. The right mindset includes: 1) gratitude and 2) humility. Sure the thrill of winning the Super Bowl against competition is gratifying, but the outcome of an event does not define a person.
King Solomon (Ecc. 9:10) said, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might…”, and add to that “forget the hype.” Taking this perspective positions a person to have little or no regret and use defeat as a learning experience.
Even when a lofty goal is achieved, the higher the degree of emotion, myself included, the more likely there is a dysfunctional mindset that this is the ultimate fulfillment. Depending on how deceived the person is into thinking an achievement or award brings meaning to life, depends on how big of a let down happens if expectations were or were not met.
In summary, quotes are a great source of inspiration. Recognize hype statements within a quote dilute the message. Understand the source’s context and background is different than yours. Fitting into society’s projected lifestyle or idea of what hard work and success is does not define you. Being authentic, persevering, and putting forth the best effort in whatever you put your hand to does.
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Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is the only one left (see Self-Deceit Can Be Beat Part 1) and has just jumped off a cliff to survive. Overcoming self-deceit requires drastic measures.
What appeared to be the end suddenly becomes an opportunity. Persevering to survive reveals the vulnerabilities of the predator of self-deception, but it’s hard work. The simplest things (a mud facial in Arnold’s case) can save a situation of total despair.
An accountability friend, new activity, or an exercise program might trigger a shift of mindset to “see” things better. Learn new coping tools, get to the next step. The battle is challenging and ongoing. The newly acquired tools sustain hope and dreams can be fulfilled.
Arnold could have run, but doesn’t. The decision to kill the Predator is a good one, likewise regarding the predator of self-deception. Reject passivity and continue on the offensive. Self-deceit defeat is not a one-time battle, but an ongoing war.
Various things can trigger the predator to return just like many sequels in Hollywood:
Past regrets try to kill the good things of the past.
Feeling unworthy and overwhelmed steals the ability to function at a high level in the present.
Believing things can’t change destroys dreams and leaves a hopeless future.
The good news is every battle that is won provides experience to fight at a more skilled level. Self-deception is always a factor in life, but when confronted loses its power to kill, steal, and destroy. Persevere and refuse to be defeated. Self-deceit can be beat!
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A “presence” exists and only focused calmness and stillness allows detection. The presence, kills, steals, and destroys life. However, people deny its existence, conjure up bogus excuses, or become helpless.
The above description of the presence sounds like the alien in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Predator (1987), but really describes self-deceit. The movie works quite well as a metaphor to beat self-deceit.
Highly trained military team conducts a secret operation to extract hostages from the Guatemalan jungle. Invisible creature starts killing the group one-by-one, natives believe it’s a ghost. Arnold sets a trap.
Self-deceit is invisible and hard to detect. Unless a strategy is set up, the killing, stealing, and destroying of self-deceit thrives. People fail to see the obvious. The personal predator is self-deception thinking – “It won’t effect me!”
The special forces team detects movement and expends ammo. Blood is found, a pivotal point in the movie as Arnold declares, “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”
Self-deceit is a dysfunctional coping mechanism to deal with addictions, relationship problems, bad habits, or any other array of life’s difficulties. A Proverb (13:12 NLT) turns that around, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Self-deceit does “bleed” and the realization of that is a tree of life. The Predator can be killed, but actually making it happen is another story.
The entire team dies except for Arnold. He has to jump off of a high cliff into water to escape being slaughtered. Overcoming self-deceit can feel like jumping off a cliff.
Arnold exhausted, crawls ashore and gets covered with mud. The Predator jumps into the water also and becomes visible. Arnold’s helpless and prepares to die, but the Predator does not see him. Pivotal point two as the game changes dramatically because the alien is visible, can only see by infrared, and now the mud makes Arnold invisible.
Check out Self-Deceit Can Be Beat Part 2 to see how what appears to be the end for Arnold suddenly becomes an opportunity.
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